— (via certainpriorities)
I don’t know where to begin. These thoughts are all rushing back to me. Constantly, I am being judged by others. Everyone thinks they have the privilege to fuck with me, to mess with my emotions. I hate it. I really hate it. Yesterday I finally was make a decent cut after months of failing. Today I overdosed with 6 paracetamol. I know, it hasn’t done anything but trust me I was crying my fucking ass of. I didn’t want to die, I wanted to just numb the pain. I prayed to God to save me. To be honest, those 6 doses made me feel horrible.. I don’t know what happened. My entire body started to ache. I guess I did numb the pain but adding more pain onto myself.
You know what annoys me though? How the world thinks. For some goddamn reason I think so differently from everyone else. People are so narrow minded unlike me. I feel as if I actually put the effort into figuring out other people’s point of views because everyone does everything for a reason. i try to actually look between and underneath the top layer of situations. Perceptions need to be uncovered however people in general are so judgmental that they automatically believe something is right or wrong.
Another thing that bugs the life out of me is how bullies repost anti bullying posts. Those posts are meaningless to me now. The posts are describing certain types of people and the same people are reposting and agreeing to them. WTF.
I’d like to also mention how everyone likes to act depressed. Bitch, don’t confuse your retarded hormones with a mental illness. I for one actually have most of the symptoms of depression and even then, I don’t know for sure if I have a mental illness. Just because you self harm/have self harmed DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE DEPRESSED YOU DUMB FUCK. MAYBE IT IS YOUR FUCKING HORMONES.
I wish I was beautiful. I wish I was skinny. The fat just sticks out so horribly it makes me sick. I look vile. I look disgusting. I wish I could just grab the scissors and cut it all out. I want to have skinny legs, skinny arms, a skinny stomach, skinny everything. I don’t want to feel my skin rubbing onto itself. It’s just plain disgusting. I hate it, it makes me want to vomit.